I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
