I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Is it penis luge time yet?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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