Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
A+ Viking dick
The Olympian is in my bed
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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