I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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