stop calling my apartment porn island.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
