if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
