hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
