I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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