i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
