Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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