My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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