I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
