I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
