i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
