Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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