I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
