WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
