My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
