I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
