the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
