i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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