So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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