What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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