hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
