listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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