i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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