I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
