Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
