so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
