i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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