WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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