hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
