Got a toothbrush?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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