It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
