The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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