New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
