Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
