Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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