O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
