I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
