Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Soap is not a condiment
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
