Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
