At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
