Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It's not a walk of shame if you run
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
