U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
