But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
