god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
