I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
