just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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