im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
