You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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