I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
