jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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