eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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