do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
